From Marriage to Community
The Multilayered Lessons of Parashas Ki Teitze
Parashas Ki Teitze is filled with a wide variety of mitzvos, covering topics from the commonly discussed rebellious son to the prohibition against charging interest. The underlying theme connecting all these rules is community life.
So why does this Parashah, focused on communal laws, also delve into the intricate details of marriage? According to Rav Yaakov Kamenetzky, it's because when a couple gets married, they become full-fledged community members. The community rejoices in their union and in their joining the community, and that's why marriage is included in this Parashah.
In fact, many of the communal mitzvos in the Parashah are directly relevant to married life.
I'd like to zoom in on a specific set of mitzvos. The Torah prohibits practices like cross-dressing, yoking different types of animals together, mixing wool and linen, or cultivating hybrid plants from two different species.
The overarching lesson here is that each of us has a specific role and purpose in life. Attempting to take on the role of someone else or blending disparate elements together can create disorder.
Interestingly, right after discussing these mitzvos focused on separation and distinct roles, the Torah instructs us to wear Tzitzit, a garment that actually combines wool and linen.
Rav Moshe Dovid Vali explains that in ordinary, everyday life, it's important to keep distinct roles and elements separate. However, when pursuing a higher, sacred purpose, these elements can be combined. This principle applies not just to the wearing of Tzitzit, which mixes wool and linen, but also to marriage. There are times for independence and times when holiness allows for a union of otherwise separate elements.
At a Chuppah, during the bracha for the Kiddushin, the focus is on God sanctifying the Jewish people through the Chuppah and the Kiddushin itself. Interestingly, the bride and groom—the "stars of the show"—are not explicitly mentioned. Perhaps in the spirit of what Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky shared above we can suggest that this is because the act of uniting two individuals in a sacred context elevates the relationship between the entire Jewish community and God. Celebrating a marriage is also a way to celebrate our collective bond with our Creator.
The month of Elul is often associated with the acronym for "Ani L'dodi V'dodi Li," emphasizing prayer and our relationship with God. However, students of the Arizal offer another acronym: "Ish L'Reiehu U'Matanos L'Evyonim," highlighting not just prayer but also charity and relationships. What does Elul have to do with the holiday of Purim? The idea is that our connection isn't just through prayer; it extends to charity and interpersonal relationships as well.
Like our relationship with God, marriage is not always perfect. Sometimes we feel like separate entities, akin to a needy person ('Evyon') who accepts whatever he can get. Other times, the relationship is more like that of close friends ('Rei'ah'), who deeply understand each other's needs and desires. Elul serves as a reminder that despite the ups and downs, the connection is always there.
The key to a fulfilling marriage—and, by extension, a strong community and relationship with God—is recognizing the times when it's important to maintain distinct roles, as well as the times when these can be transcended for a higher purpose. When we manage to balance these two aspects, we can elevate not just our personal relationships, but our communal and spiritual ones as well.
Really nice. Thank you. Much to think about
Beautiful. Balance in everything is they key to a good life.