Managing Expectations

Everything happens for a reason. Whatever we do, wherever we go, whenever it happens - there is a reason for everything.

Everything happens for a reason. Whatever we do, wherever we go, whenever it happens - there is a reason for everything. 

As a student in the Mir Yeshiva, I would often go to the Kotel on Thursday nights to daven/ learn/ kumzitz. It was about 3 AM on Erev Shabbos Vayetzei and I was sitting saying Tehillim in one of the small tunnels adjacent to the Kotel. All of a sudden the man sitting next to me said “Oy we need to daven for the Yidden in Mumbai”. The news of the terror attack in Mumbai had just reached his phone. We said some Tehillim and then we started schmoozing as we awaited Netz Hachama. He introduced himself to me as Gil Locks, told me a bit about his story including how he had once spent a year looking at the tip of his nose for 23 hours a day, amongst other interesting things.  

In the course of the conversation, he taught me an unforgettable lesson from the Parashah. Yaakov is on the run, away from his brother Esav and in search of his uncle Lavan. Finally, he meets up with Rachel, Lavan’s daughter. Then he spends 7 years working for Lavan in order to marry her. 

The long awaited wedding arrives, and unbeknownst to Yaakov, Leah, Rachel's older sister,  is put in place of Rachel and Yaakov ends up marrying the wrong girl. As they apparently did not have electricity in those days, Yaakov only realized this in the morning. Shocked, he turned to Lavan for an explanation. Lavan explained that the older daughter needs to be married first, and Yaakov can work another 7 years for Rachel. 

Ultimately, this worked out for the good. It is somewhat ironic though, as Yaakov was called Ish Tamim, he was one of the most righteous people to ever live, he was the archetypical man of truth. Why would he be the victim of such fraud? How could this happen to him?

Rabbi Locks explained that this was actually a Middah K'neged Middah. In Parashas Toldos, we learn that Yaakov took the place of his older brother Esav in order to get the berachos from Yitzchak.  This is what allowed Lavan to switch Rachel for his older daughter Leah, so that Leah would also be blessed by marrying Yaakov. 

Rabbi Locks continued with a lesson that I never forgot and strive to always remember. 

We know that Maaseh Avos, Siman L’Banim, the actions of our forefathers are examples for our lives. What example does Yaakov’s experience give to us?  

Many times we meet the unexpected as we go through life, and it can be difficult to accept. However, when this happens, we must reflect as to why it worked out the way it did and we need to accept that it will all work out for the best. Whatever happened to us, happened for a reason. This is true for both our negative experiences and our positive experiences. When you carefully reflect on the unexpected events in your life, you can then be conscious enough to guide that which comes into your life. 

Yaakov went to sleep with Rachel and woke up with Leah. There can be nothing more unexpected than that. Yet, it was through that switch that the ultimate redemption will come. As we know, Leah had Yehuda the father of Malchus, from whom came Dovid HaMelech and thereby Mashiach.

May we merit the days of Mashiach when all which we have experienced and not properly understood will be abundantly clear to us and we will be able to clearly appreciate the wondrous ways of our Creator.