Stepping Stones to the Geulah

The Importance of Emotional Intelligence as understood from the Life of Yaakov

Throughout his life, Yaakov faced numerous challenges and difficulties. He was troubled by his brother Esav even before he was born, and he had to grow up with a twin who was very different from him. Yaakov had to flee from Esav after tricking their father, Yitzchak, in order to receive the bracha. He worked hard to earn the right to marry Rachel, but then had to flee from his father-in-law, Lavan. He also had to deal with the challenges of raising his children, and he never lost hope for his son, who went missing. Despite building wealth in Canaan, Yaakov faced a shortage of food and had to go to Egypt to find sustenance. Although he was eventually able to reunite with his beloved son, Yosef, Yaakov remained sad about the premature death of Rachel.

In this week's parashah, Yaakov spent his final days in Mitzrayim and we learn about his last wishes and berachos for his children. Just as he is about to reveal to them what will happen at the end of days, he feels the Ruach HaKodesh leaving him and is unable to share the secret. This is reminiscent of the time when Yosef was missing, during which Yaakov's grief and sadness prevented him from experiencing the Ruach HaKodesh. It is a feeling that he has experienced before.

The Torah mentions that Yaakov "lived" in Mitzrayim, whereas in Parashas Vayashev the term is "settled". This may suggest that Yaakov chose to actively live his life, rather than allowing himself to be consumed by sadness. Despite having faced many challenges and hardships, Yaakov was able to move beyond his emotions and strive for a higher and more elevated state of being. This was possible because he was able to recognize and acknowledge his emotions, rather than repressing them.

It is noteworthy that while Yaakov was given the name Yisrael by the angel of Esav back in Parashas Vayishlach, he is not referred to as Yisrael in the Torah until after the mention of his living in Mitzrayim. At that point, the Torah begins referring to him with the name Yisrael. Why is there a delay and then a sudden shift in the way the Torah refers to him?

The Ohr Hachaim¹ explains that the name Yisrael refers to a higher spiritual level, while the name Yaakov represents a lower spiritual level. The higher level is comparable to Shabbos. Shabbos is a time when we set aside our personal sorrows and emotions, which hold us back. Doing that elevates us into a higher mode where the sole focus is on holiness. In contrast, the lower level is like the rest of the week (chol), when we must balance our everyday lives and emotions with a focus on holiness.

 To reach the higher level of Yisrael, we must first go through the struggles and challenges of Yaakov, recognize and actively experience the emotions that come with them. This is like the prerequisite of six days of chol that must come before Shabbos. We cannot bypass the difficulties of everyday life and immediately strive for the higher level of Yisrael, nor can we forget about the ultimate goal of holiness and only focus on our everyday lives. We must accept the challenges we are given and use them as stepping stones towards a more elevated state of being.

 When we are deeply affected by grief and sadness, it can be difficult to see beyond our present circumstances and envision a better future. Yaakov struggled with this, but ultimately recognized that Hashem was with him and that there would be a brighter future ahead. This is a struggle that all of Yaakov's descendants continue to face.

Rav Avigdor Miller understood this idea from the words of Dovid Hamelech. In Tehillim², Dovid Hamelech is talking to himself and he says: שׁוּבִי נַפְשִׁי לִמְנוּחָיְכִי – “Turn back, my soul, to your repose, כִּי הַשֵּׁם גָּמַל עָלָיְכִי – because Hashem has bestowed upon you. Rav Miller explained that every person has two parts: their intellect, or “seichel” and their personality, or "nefesh." It is important for a person to encourage their rational mind to shape and educate their emotional personality, in order to regain the original menuchas hanefesh.  To do this, one must talk to themselves, reminding themselves that Hashem is in control and has already taken care of everything. Dovid Hamelech counsels his own "nefesh," or personality, to return to its original state of menucha, or tranquility, by reminding himself that Hashem has already taken care of the problems at hand. Inner peace is achieved through trust in Hashem's love and power, and the belief that everything is already taken care of.

While writing this post, a quote by Arianna Huffington appeared on my Kai.ai that reads, "Failure is not the opposite of success, but rather a stepping stone to success." This quote emphasizes the idea that setbacks and failures are not necessarily detrimental to our ultimate goals, but can actually be opportunities for growth and progress. We should not ignore or try to pretend that our struggles do not exist, but rather, allow ourselves to fully experience and acknowledge them. This can provide us with a deeper perspective and unique insights that come from our own experiences. In the words of Brene Brown "For by feeling, we gain perspective, which is itself a function of our experience." This highlights the idea that through the process of experiencing and expressing our emotions, we are able to gain a deeper understanding and perspective on the world around us.

Yaakov, after going through many challenges and fully experiencing the emotions that came with them, was able to gain perspective and was referred to as "alive." This highlights the importance of allowing ourselves to fully feel and acknowledge our experiences, rather than denying or repressing them.

The Zohar³ teaches us that Yaakov experienced the greatest joy and peace in his life while living in Mitzrayim, a place known for impurity and immorality. This may seem surprising given that one might expect Yaakov to have felt more at peace in a place associated with spirituality, such as Canaan. 

Yaakov saw Mitzrayim, as representing the struggles and challenges of his life, and was able to find peace by understanding that these struggles are temporary and will eventually come to an end. By focusing on holiness and remembering that Hashem is always with us, we can use our experiences as stepping stones to redemption.

As we move from Sefer Bereishis into Sefer Shemos, Yaakov is telling his children and descendants that there will be difficult times ahead, but if we persevere through them and understand that they are not an end in themselves, we can ultimately reach a time of Geulah as Am Yisrael in Eretz Yisrael.

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This Dvar Torah was written in the merit of a Refuah Sheleima for Yosef Refael ben Yehudis and Yehudis Shoshana Ester bas Brina Vallah. May they have a speedy recovery and know no more suffering .

1. Bereishis 47;28

2. 116:7

3. Vol 1 pg 216b